Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Here, you push

Here, you push. Spingere is written on most of the doors. It means push, because, here, you push a door to enter and pull a door to exit. (Somewhere in America a fire Marshall just whimpered when you read that.)

Must push, sir, push. (Get it?)

Here, you look like an idiot half of the time trying to push a door open for the inside. (The rest of the time you look like an idiot for a whole slew of other reasons.)

Here, you don't know how to find the thrice-cursed shut-off valve to the cold water line in the downstairs bathroom.

Here, you know how to order wine, but not how to talk to your landlord about your broken faucet. (Here, you die a little inside while water is wasted as you wait for a plumber to show up.*)

That's shut off. I promise.

Here, your dad is too far away to fix it for you.

Here, you're expected to wear a plastic glove while selecting produce at the supermercato.

Here, the produce is fresh and ripe and expected to be eaten immediately.

I HAD to buy them. The chips were okay and the salsa was good.

Here, no server ever rushes you through a meal. The meals can be LONG. In fact, one of my colleagues calls it being held food hostage.

Here, Uncle Ben's sells tortilla chips and salsa. Both items take up about as much shelf space as a sardines display in the U.S.

Here, you can get baby food made of sardines. And horse.

Here, the vino is often cheaper than the Coca light.

Here, the vino is quite superior to the Coca light.

Here, the stores close down from 12:30pm to 3:30pm (or 4:00 pm), because lunch is serious, family-oriented business. (Remember, there's no rushing through meals.)

Here, the metric system is the second foreign language you must learn.

Here, gas is priced at 1.60€ per liter which translates into over $8 per gallon. (Yes, you read that right.)

Here, air conditioning and window screens are uncommon.

Here, 1.5L (almost 51 ounces) of bottled water usually only costs 0.35€ ($0.46).

Here, the tap water is totally safe, but I like to buy the acqua frizzante.

This is the fizzy stuff.

Here, you really need to know if you can shut off autocorrect when using Google Translate.

Here, you miss unlimited data even if only for unlimited access to Google Translate.

*Wholly ironic considering my charity:water campaign. I'd better double my donation.

 

No comments:

Post a Comment